Before the Altar part 4

Adam is my ultimate progenitor, for it is through him I see all the ways I might escape if I use my head. But instead, I lay blame on someone else,as Adam did Eve and then ultimately I lay blame on God. (Genesis 2 and 3) The war ensues between myself and God, though I don't want to admit it, and until I acknowledge this war as foolishness on my part I will never see my sin. I will never understand that sin is never and will never be hid from Him, no matter how small. I must acknowledge this uncleanness before I can heal. (Isaiah 6:5; Isaiah 59:12) Until I realize that I have not changed from my progenitor in that he sinned and that my immediate ancestors were in the same state as I am, because they were and are self-absorbed as I am. I forget that God is the one in control and I cannot tell Him what to do and when to do. I don't understand why He does what He does or why He wants certain things of me. When I humble myself before God and come to the altar, meaning offering myself as the living sacrifice Paul spoke of in Romans 12:1, then and only then am I ready for Him and His forgiveness. (Psalms 119:176; Psalms 130:3) When I am honest with Him (Jeremiah 3:13,25) only then can He mold my heart like a potter with clay. But if I am not honest with Him and I do not come to Him out of the depths of a humble heart, the devestation to my well-being and well-seeking is torrential. (Jeremiah 14:7,20; Lamentations 1:18; Lamentations 3:42) I cannot hope to gain His hope with sin. It will not happen and when I bring that to worship, when I bring my will, my worship is in vain and He cannot and will not bless me. That includes what I believe He will accept as improvements in worship, rather than actually doing His will and bringing myself to the altar as and only me. What I can do does not matter to God. How I do what I do does not matter to God. Who I am internally, that is the key to being pure, and I truly want to praise Him. But is that really what He wants? Doesn't He want my abilities or does He just want me? When Jesus sat at the Last Supper with His apostles it was an intimate meal between friends and some strong conversation between friends. Is that not what God wants, time to be with all of us collectively? Praising Him, yes, but being united with Him in the purpose of corporate communication. What a wonderful blissful day it will be when all of the saints will be singing their hearts out, to and with the Almighty in one accord.