They also serve who stand...(part 3)

What do I do when strangers knock or when I see their devotion is greater than mine? More importantly, Who am I serving? How am I serving the Who I am serving? Am I convincing myself that while I am serving this person or that person that my service is an example of God and so there are blinders to other true acts of service around me? Am I self-seeking, self-absorbed in my service, saying I would rather do this than that? That I would rather send money then actually go down to the soup kitchens, would rather bus people to church in my nice, sterile environment, rather than hold church in their own back yard in the poorer sections of town? Am I truly praying for ways and opportunities to actually serve? More importantly who am I praying for? Am I praying that my brethren seek ways to help those in need? Am I praying for my leaders and opportunities to serve them in their capacities as my leaders? Am I praying they are wise in their decisions and that they are keeping God at the forefront of every decision, whether secular or ecclesiastical? Am I being a servant and praying for God to keep humankind safe, even from itself? Do I have Moses’ heart? (Exodus 32:32) Am I that giving, that willing to sacrifice that God may forgive my people their sin? That is, do I take their sin on me? (Deu 9:25) What do I pray for? And is it wrong to go before God for a new washing machine or VCR or whatever appliance I may think is a necessity? What are my motives? Am I seeking to return to health or a return to wealth? And why? Am I like Hannah in 1 Sam 1:10,11, who prayed before God from the bottom of her heart and soul because she was so afflicted by other women’s taunts and jeers? Do I depend on Him that much, that I would dedicate my son, the one I have been waiting for all of my life to be born even though I am barren, do I have that much faith like Hannah? Am I like Ezra, who falls on my knees before God as part of a nation of sinners begging His forgiveness? (Ezra 9:5,6) Do I know the LORD will answer when I beg for mercy? (Ps 17:1,6; Ps 22:1, 2, 19; Ps 28:1,2; Ps 55:1,2,16,17)The answer in my heart must be yes emphatically, if I am to receive Him fully. I have many times in my heart of hearts cried for him to hear me, much like David. (Ps 35:22,23; Ps 57:2) and in my heart of hearts, even when my mind says “no” or “where is he?”, I know God is not too terribly far. (Ps 61:1,2) All I really have to do is humble myself in His sight, which of course is every moment of my life, as in James 4:10, and He will lift me up. And I can then sit in His lap, or take my place along side of Christ. But I have to be honest with Him. I cannot say that all is well in my heart, when there is a black spot of sin that may be residing there, whether or not it is known to me. I cannot be cheery with God, when there are things to tear me down and that do indeed eat at my soul. I cannot be honest with Him, when I am lying to myself. In the depths of my soul and heart, I must know there is pain and feel it, I need to see and feel and touch and hold the innerness that is really me, the clouds that overshadow that me must be dealt with, and I must admit the anguish and heartache that living every single day in a cruel and cold world brings. And I must be able to spew it out, that this is not what I wanted or expected, that what I wanted was that, and that I am not really excited about being this or that, but over there that would be an exciting thing to me, even though the rest of the world would not agree and might even say it could be misconstrued as sin. In the depths of my joy (Ps 25), when I am so grateful that the evil one has passed me like the angel of death passing over the houses of the Israelites, I must be grateful to Him, celebrating and feeling my heart leap from my chest as I dance to Him in front of the whole world. All to Him. I must be me and express the me that God constructed in this body, whether in pain, in joy, whatever. All to Him.