when I am out of synch (part 7)

When I am out of sorts, I want to shake my fists at God. I want to weep and cry and throw myself on the ground and rip my clothes and ask Him and demand an answer to the question where He has been. (Ps 77:1,2, 7-9). I cry and weep the question, “How long LORD? How long do I have to put up with this?” (Ps 79:1,5,8,9,11) I want to know why He doesn’t use me anymore to glorify Him, why He doesn’t use my talents the way I know they can be used. What did He put me here for to begin with? Why, why, why? And like Jonah I tell God the people He wants me to serve are godless heathens that deserve not to have Him as their God, they deserve death and destruction and ruin because they deny Him. And then there are His people who suffer and who He lets suffer and I ask vehemently for help (Ps 80:1,3-5,14) and then I ask again why He refuses to punish those that need the spanking, and why He refuses to repay my and my people’s suffering at these heathen’s hands. Why, God? What have I done to make you angry? What have we done to make you so upset with us as a people? (Ps 85:5-7) And then after all the tears are out, after I have had my say, after I have gone before His throne demanding an answer to my satisfaction, I fall prostrate on the floor. My focus has gotten off track, I see that. My submission has turned to pride. My soul has darkened more than a mite, and I cannot see the forest for the trees. God is there. God is always there. He will always be there. He knows what is going on. He knows what I want and need. He knows my passions. He knows what drives me and my people. He knows when I sin, when my people are living in sin. He also knows when I and my people are suffering for doing good. And He will grant us contentment and peace in those days (Ps 90:15). And He will “hide not Thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline Thine ear unto me: in the day when I call, answer me speedily…”(Psalm 102:2) and He will “save us, O LORD our God, and gather us from among the heathen to give thanks unto Thy holy name and to triumph in Thy praise.” (Psalms 106:7)

When I am out of synch

I defile God in my sin. But I also defile Him when I think that all is well, when I blind myself into thinking what a wonderful life I have, what a wonderful world to live in. I defile Him by not maintaining my reality, by living in rose-colored glasses. I can see the reality of a sinful world and like Lot live a little way from it, then in it all the way, until I myself take it up. Or I can like Abraham choose to be separate from it. Which will it be? I will war within myself and then with God. (Jer 27:8, La 1:9-11,20; La 2:18,19) God knows when I am at war within myself, that in the dark recesses of my heart, late at night, when no one but my own mind is apparent I will convince myself that everything I have lived for in the past deserves to be honored or that what I do is not sinful to God because I am not overtly sinning. But my heart knows better. Because my heart belongs to God. And so I am warring against myself as Judah did Israel. (2 Chronicles 13:14-18)

 

And I could blame God for my failings and weep and wail and ask Him why He made me so sinful. (Isaiah 63:17) I could tell God that He is holy but that His holy people were made to possess what was theirs for only a short time and then adversaries were OK’d to run them over. By Him. By His permission. Then I could stomp my feet and demand to know why. And God wouldn’t have to answer. Because first He does have to, and secondly maybe something was going on in history that perhaps it was time to show God’s power within His holy people in their weakness. Who knows but the Almighty why He does what He does? Because my brain is limited by three dimensions, I don’t have a clue. And I could search for answers until I start chasing around and around like a dog chasing its tail and I still won’t come up with the correct answers. And my reaction is usually two-fold. First, I am angry, and in my anger I pursue pleasures that are instantly gratifying, but at the same time empty, as though I know there is a hole where God used to be and am trying to fill it up with something that deep down I know cannot pitch like God. And in my deepest darkest recesses, in those nooks and crannies that I call my soul, I know that only God can save and deliver me, and I can plead with Him for deliverance (Gen 32:11) and His mercy (Gen 43:14). Deep down I know it is Him I must turn to for advice, much as Moses did in Exodus 17:4 when the people were grumbling against him. And I know in Him is the victory that overcomes the world, and that He is my protector (Num 20:16). I know that He is not some icon that I must appease, but one who in my pain and sorrow I can go crying to asking why and begging that He remember what a servant I have been and for Him to show mercy. (! Sam1:10,11) And I know that I can remind Him there are those that don’t like Him, or me when I say I do like Him. (Ps 74:22,23)

When I am out of synch (part 5)

 

 How can God be in contact with sin? That would be contrary to His heart (Ps 50:16, 17; 66:18) Contrary to purity and holiness that is intrinsic in His heart. The wicked make a mockery of God, or try to. God thwarts that, triumphing at and in the cross. In Christ, God extends His hand and says, “Come to me”. And when men make a mockery of God, God turns a deaf ear and regards their worship as an abomination. He sees their worship for what it truly is, vain and false. (Pr 1:24-28, 15:8,29) How do I make a mockery of God? What do I do that is a mockery of Him? Is my worship contradictory to my life? Am I hypocritical? Am I causing His sacrifice to be nullified by not living as God wants me to live (Is 1:12-15)? Am I denying God by trying to set my own standards and saying that it is God’s standard? Or am I truly going by His Word. Have I lost the commonness of being in fellowship with others and God by acting separate and distinct from what God has told me that He expects of me? Has it become rote? When my worship becomes an obligation then it becomes an appeasement, something done not out of reverence and love but because it is expected if I want to go to heaven, as though I was trying to ingratiate myself into the good graces of a rich uncle to ensure my stake in His inheritance. But God is not a rich uncle, He is a kind, feeling, loving Father. And my inheritance is assured. I can waste that inheritance. I can be like the prodigal son and take the temple that I call my body and make it a pig sty, living badly and justify that God will not take my inheritance from me. No, when I live badly, I make my decision to waste my inheritance and make the even bigger decision to do something that God can never and will never accept if I am to become like Him. God really gives me the freedom to make my mistakes, small or large. He also gives me the freedom not to come back. And when I chose that route, He leaves me to what I have told Him I want. Life without Him. I can come back as many times as I want. But even God has limits. If I keep treating Him like a rug that I will quickly forget and neglect because I have stepped on it so many times, then how is He to trust me that I am truly sorry? How can He take seriously my promise to do better? (Prov 15:1) Even my prayers are not heard. (Lam 3:8,44) And all that is happening is that God is giving me and treating me exactly as I asked to be treated. (Mic 3:4; Zec 7:12,13) And it isn’t just when I do evil, not just when I overtly sin, but when my worship becomes obligatory, like a robot performing a function because that is what I am supposed to do. By rote. (Mal 1:9) when there is no love, and my passion is non-existent. (Mal 2:11-13) So I am doing the right thing for the wrong reason and in the process I grow further and further from God without knowing it (John 9:31). I have created an idol, rather than understanding the full meaning of who God is. I worship an image of God and not the true God, as though my image of Him was real. It will get to the point where I do not know God. And my relationships with others becomes sour because I won’t treat the Creator of the universe right. If that is so, then why should I bother to treat His created right? (1Pe 3:7) My prayer becomes stale and smelly. Rather than having the fragrance of sweet perfume of virtue. My thoughts waver in the wind. I put words in God’s mouth. There are things I know He’ll answer, things I am sure He won’t and so my prayer life becomes one of mere formality. I already know His response. And God allows this life to continue. Why should He interfere with the concept, especially that eventually I will find it empty and lifeless? That is punishment enough for me. And yet He will not break down my idols unless I ask Him too. And while I have idols, it is hard for Him to take me seriously that indeed I want to worship the true God.

When I am out of synch (part 4)

Much of the reason that I engage in the worship of false idols, as many did in the time of Moses when the golden calf was built, is that false gods are easily obtained and tangible to the touch. How much harder it is to worship God, who is a Spirit and intangible. I cannot physically grasp His hand, but what I don’t realize is that when I truly worship Him, I am touching Him with my mind and heart. But when I have been tricked by satan into thinking I need something more, that I need to feel a touch or hear a sound because of my humanness, and I must do something more to truly worship Him then my worship has become vain. And what I think I seek to do for Him is only to show off for God by saying “Look at me, God! Look what I can do! I speak in the tougues of angels, I lift my hands to you, I play 4 instruments I could never play before. And Lord, don’t forget I take the LORD’s supper every week, so the blood must cover me.” And it is true, His blood covers a multitude of what I am and His love has built me up and will continue to build me up. But what I don’t realize is that God doesn’t care about how many times I lift my hands or bow down or close my eyes. It doesn’t matter how much or how little I put in the collection plate, Or whether I take the LORD’s supper, because I can do that for no reason than to do it as an obligation rather than to share a memory of what Christ has done and will do for me. My actions in church, my open demonstrations of adoration, can become my idol if I don’t preface it with the fact that God is in complete and glorious control and accepting of me where I am and, as is so often sung, “Just As I Am”. And it necessitates my careful examination of everything I do (ITim 4:16, ICor 11: 17-33). How do I ask Him through earnest prayer, "LORD, am I doing this right? Is this what you want?" Am I worshipping and insisting that my worship, my tradition of worship is the right way? (Col 2:10-23) Am I playing at religion, or am I truly religious (James 1:26,27)? My haughtiness, my pride will be my down fall, and will cage me, which is just where satan wants me. Once I am released by the power of His blood and the acceptance that it is only God’s way that is best, then my song of praise and my prayers are sweet fragrances to Him. (Rom12) And the false idols have been destroyed. Halleluiah!