when I am out of synch (part 7)

When I am out of sorts, I want to shake my fists at God. I want to weep and cry and throw myself on the ground and rip my clothes and ask Him and demand an answer to the question where He has been. (Ps 77:1,2, 7-9). I cry and weep the question, “How long LORD? How long do I have to put up with this?” (Ps 79:1,5,8,9,11) I want to know why He doesn’t use me anymore to glorify Him, why He doesn’t use my talents the way I know they can be used. What did He put me here for to begin with? Why, why, why? And like Jonah I tell God the people He wants me to serve are godless heathens that deserve not to have Him as their God, they deserve death and destruction and ruin because they deny Him. And then there are His people who suffer and who He lets suffer and I ask vehemently for help (Ps 80:1,3-5,14) and then I ask again why He refuses to punish those that need the spanking, and why He refuses to repay my and my people’s suffering at these heathen’s hands. Why, God? What have I done to make you angry? What have we done to make you so upset with us as a people? (Ps 85:5-7) And then after all the tears are out, after I have had my say, after I have gone before His throne demanding an answer to my satisfaction, I fall prostrate on the floor. My focus has gotten off track, I see that. My submission has turned to pride. My soul has darkened more than a mite, and I cannot see the forest for the trees. God is there. God is always there. He will always be there. He knows what is going on. He knows what I want and need. He knows my passions. He knows what drives me and my people. He knows when I sin, when my people are living in sin. He also knows when I and my people are suffering for doing good. And He will grant us contentment and peace in those days (Ps 90:15). And He will “hide not Thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline Thine ear unto me: in the day when I call, answer me speedily…”(Psalm 102:2) and He will “save us, O LORD our God, and gather us from among the heathen to give thanks unto Thy holy name and to triumph in Thy praise.” (Psalms 106:7)